After taking a deep breath, I thought about my talks with Allison. Again it was an exercise and I patiently attempted to re-frame my attitude. Attitude they say is the deciding factor which creates success. Maybe just one of may factors. At the same time a friend who I realized later was one of the best friends I could ever have, gave me a book. It was just because he cared, he surprised me but he had a helpful nature. The book "I don't know what I want but I know it is not this" was written by Julie Jansen. Julie Jansen has written a step by step guide to finding gratifying work.
What I did discover was working through both books, required grit and commitment. The time was more than I wanted to commit to my professional development. Made me ask a question, what were the results of my efforts?